right answer, wrong question

As I wait (and wait and wait) for the VISA to come through and/or to find out if it would be better to take a different job; I aim many questions at the Lord.

Is it most obedient to be patient during this time and trust that all along the plan was to have a 'break' between training and actually going? Is it most obedient to take a different job that needs workers (ie: where You send, I will go). How can I daily impact my surroundings for the Kingdom? Why can't I seem to learn portuguese? How much TV can a person actually watch in a day? See? SO many questions!

As I continually fire these things skyward, I'm always processing the idea that God is in control of the universe. When He said 'you will have trouble in this world, but take heart because I have overcome the world', He actually meant just that. This time frame, this job, the global need for workers...ALL in His hands.

I came face to face with that concept in a most bizarre way last night. As my youngest brother and I faced hour 10 of the ever so long drive from Tennessee to Baltimore we met up with an exit ramp guardrail...a few times. Now, I'm no stranger to car accidents; but losing complete control of a vehicle is the most surreal experience I've had. For once I wasn't speeding or distractedly driving, but the roads were more slick and the exit ramp a sharper turn than I realized. For all the factors that fed into the cause of the accident, there are just as many things that really should have been worse. It is unbelievable how specific God's care for us is.

The jeep was banged up, but completely drivable. It didn't drive any differently for the remaining 3 hours home. The airbags didn't deploy, which undoubtedly would have caused more harm than good (to our faces). We are completely unhurt. No one was in front of or behind us, and so the sliding and spinning was stopped by the guardrail and not another car full of people. The jeep did not flip, which they are notorious for doing.

Shaken but fine, we talked about all of those details that could have caused severe, even fatal damage and we were amazed. But why?

Of course God can keep us safe in a spinning car in between two huge pieces of metal. Of course he can control the amount of damage done in a situation I have no control over. Of course God knows how the result of his pull on my heart to serve will turn out. Of course, because He is God and He controls the biggest and smallest details of the world; not to mention of our lives.

still a local yocal

I would love to update you on the beautiful scenery of S.A...but unfortunately, I can only fill you in on the changing temperature of Baltimore. I was fully aware that signing up for this life meant all kinds of struggle; I don't think I was aware that the struggle could be hardest before I could have a chance to leave.

As I daily wade through the zigzags of the visa process, I'm comforted by so many good Psalms. That shepherd boy really was a poet, eh? 16:8-11 says:

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken (not even by maddening officials who only communicate via email and each email seems to contradict the last one)

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body will rest secure, because you will not abandon me (even if I feel abandoned by all of my friends who are already frolicking/serving in their cool new places all over the world),

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence.

I'm tempted to be confused and distraught by this 3-8 week holdup, but the plan for my life has been made clear. I was created to bring glory to an Almighty God, with every step of my day. THIS I can do on my way to any destination!

Please Pray for the Visa process!

This Should Not Be

I was blessed with the opportunity to sit under very wise counsel today, and I am emotionally moved and totally convicted about my "heart for missions" by the things this man brought to mind. I would say that I am committed to missions, especially at this point. I would have said that throughout the past ten years or so of my life. Sadly, though, I have done little in putting a dent in the millions around the world who have never heard the name of Jesus. I've had little to do with financially supporting those who are actively being obedient to the call of the Great Commission, and even less to do with the activity of the Great Commission, overseas and on familiar territory. This should not be. Sure I have shared the gospel with people, I have gone on week long mission trips, but I have never fully submitted to a life of introducing the truth of Christ to everyone I encounter. While studying Acts I've been convicted that the people around me should eternally benefit from my presence in their lives, I'm broken that this just hasn't been the case.

I've grown up with the understanding that a yearly Christmas offering is noble and sacrificial. In addition, that it is all that's necessary to support the global cause of missions. That the SBC is brilliant to support missionary's out of the offering plates of the American church. There are 17million Baptists in America and right now there is a halt on the sending agency, solely due to a significant drop in funds. 17million Baptists in America are sending out 5,600 of their own around the world, but will not tithe enough to send anymore. This should not be. That yearly Christmas offering is a balm for the conscience of the American church. I'm not sure that the funds will be available for me to return at the end of my two years. What then?

I feel now as if I'm throwing a paper airplane into a snow storm of lostness. How can a difference be made in a group of thousands of people in only 2 years? The 300 people being trained with me now, will that be enough to affect the supersized unreached groups they're going to?

Right now I am with 300 or so others who are pumped up and ready to go to the most hidden corners of the world with the ultimate Good News; and it's so exciting to be a part of the first few lines of this page of history! I'm broken hearted, though, knowing that there will be thousands that die before my friends and I ever land in our new homes. They're dying today. They're dying eternally. This should not be. Our News is only Good if it reaches those people while they have a chance to Live. This is the challenge of the Gospel, and the command of Jesus in Matthew 28:19 to "Go, therefore, and make disciples of All Nations...".

I believe in PRAYER!

The Consulate has the power to hold onto any VISA requests for as long as they want, please pray fervently for a QUICK turnaround in this process! Recent colleagues have waited months! I'm currently still waiting on documents from the US Secretary of State, so that I can apply for the VISA! This is the first of many steps in a parade of faith, I know!

Speaking of prayer, I am so thankful for your diligence in lifting up my personal needs and those of the people I'm working with. I want to pray for you, too! Send your requests through the email link, or post any public requests as a comment, if you would like others to pray!

God Bless You, today!

SO much to take in!

As time here is wrapping up, I'm overwhelmed with all that I have learned! I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to be taught such valuable lessons by some of the wisest and most experienced leaders in their fields. I am especially thankful for the week we focused on safety overseas. As the reality of moving alone to a third world country inches closer, I have at times allowed anxiety to take root in my heart and mind. I am so encouraged by the consistent reminder that God has called me not to a place or even to a people, but to himself. Whatever is in store over the next two years and beyond that, I will never be out of His view, and certainly never out of his grasp. Those who delivered these valuable lessons, were a blessing, and are very much appreciated!

Something else the Lord has shown me is just how quick I am to forget that intimacy with Him is actually what I'm striving for. I get tunnel vision about what spiritual disciplines I must focus on in order to improve, or strip sin away from myself. While those tangible tasks of the faith are certainly necessary if I'm going to walk with the Lord, they are not actually the goal. As usual I was slapped around and then picked right back up by a passage just this week. In Hosea, chapter 2, the Lord talks about Israel as if they are the adulteress wife. He so beautifully illustrates his undying love for his people, for me; as he talks of alluring her back to himself with tender words and promises of redemption and restoration. I believe I am most moved by verses 17 and 19 "I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked. I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion". He is an Almighty God, he doesn't have to wait around for her to prioritize her day or remember to set aside time to fast and pray and work futilely to avoid sin. He chases her and removes the desire she has for sin, because what he desires is not her empty actions, but her commitment and affection; he desires her heart.

What a beautiful God we serve! He is the only one who sees the deepest recesses of our adulteress hearts, and he loves us. He not only awaits our return, he often arranges it.