Dear Journal,
My thrill for life here is quite cyclical, meaning, I can have a pity party for 1 in about 5 seconds after a full day of being corrected (grammatically) or treated more or less incompetent because i'm foreign (and wouldn't really know how to do what they need done, anyway) or the electricity is out for 20 minutes and every store and bakery in a 3 mile radius has decided to call it a day before I can get a loaf of bread. (all yesterday) BUT the Lord has continuously been showing me how poisonous my lazy and self involved tendencies are. I mean when that kind of stuff all happens on the same day it is a bit discouraging, but really, I'm not discouraged with life here. If anything, I'm encouraged by the excitement some of the kids have to hear a new bible story and the willingness of families to open their homes to an impromptu bible study. The gospel is not fully understood here, and they're anxious to understand it!
One of the most encouraging things for me right now is the Old Testament. No, really. I've skimmed through the history books of the bible before but lately Leviticus and Deuteronomy have had major insight into the life of Sara.
I am the Lord your God...I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
Leviticus 26:13
God rescued me from the slavery of sin, but He won't force me to walk in obedience. I've been enabled to do so, but if I choose to dwell in discouragement and cater to my pride...well, thats just it...I can choose that. And sometimes, I do. I always regret it and try to find my way back to how the Lord wants me to handle myself. And, of course...
But if from there (in my case, selfishness/rebellion/etc) you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these thins have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.
Deuteronomy 4:29-31
I just can't settle with the camp that the christian life = suffering. Every life has suffering and valleys, etc. But I'm so good with the idea that God rescued me from my sin, from myself for a glorious, eternal reward...but also to be a part of His kingdom on earth; which is a really fun thing to be a part of! It's hard some days, but I love it...I really do.
But He brought us out from there (slavery in Egypt) to bring us in and give us the land that He promised on oath to our forefathers.
Deuteronomy 6:23
Showing posts with label the bible is good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the bible is good. Show all posts
14 October 2010
19 August 2010
beauty parlor introspection
It turns out I'm not so much who I thought I was.
Laid back; Confident; Embracer of the moment, however awkward it may be...these were definitely my opinions not too long ago.
As it turns out, compared to Brazilians, I'm a bit uptight.
I find that when there is noone to turn to and say "I mean does that make sense to you?!" I'm prone to be what can only be described as a follower. I've tried hard not to be a follower for as long as I can remember.
I shrink from more opportunities than I embrace these days. The thing is, there are so many things I HAVE to do ie: go to work and all that entails, grocery shop, pay bills, find the yarn store by bus...that when it comes to an option like eating dinner with a stranger at the food court or getting my hair cut, I put it off until tomorrow.
I've needed a haircut for about two months. It's in that mangy growing out phase and...ugh. There is a cabeleireira (hair salon) down the street from me. I've mentally prepared and chickened out...for two months. Seriously?
So a few days ago while reading Psalm 78 a graceful summary of the Israelies screw up...God forgives cycle, I was struck by verses like
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord, yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago" and
"time after time...He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return"
Over and over I was reminded how often "He guided" ... "He led" ... "He gave". The same Almighty God who used the Red Sea as a short cut is the same Almighty God who sent me here. I mean he made dinner fall from the heavens, He can certainly get me through one more errand in portuguese.
So today I got my hair cut. Ayliana was super patient with my pantomiming and attempted explanation that I'm trying to grow my hair out and yadda yadda yadda. Now, I realize that for almost everyone else on the planet a hair cut is just that. A hair cut. Why the stress? Well, back to the "Sara I'm discovering"...
I'm much more affected by people's response to and treatment of me than I was in my previous life. I take many things more personally than I know I should. Simply because I'm trying so hard. Trying to speak their language, trying to understand what they mean, trying to be their friend, trying to find their needs and minister to them-and you just can't do all that. Which is exactly what I'm struggling with I can't do all that. Well thats the pretty part of hard times, its when I see (again, for the 100th time) that God can do all that and much, much more.
So while I'm watching Ayliana do exactly what I meant (but surely did not explain correctly) I had a come to Jesus meeting with, well, Jesus...
This is hard. It takes a lot of effort to do a really small thing and I'm not doing it very well. But that's OK-I know and have seen His power. I know that He can open the hearts of the Brazilians to make Himself known. I know that He can turn my stress into something of use for the Kingdom. And He knows that I'm only flesh and therefore, not all that dependable. He knows flailing is what I do best. And He knows my breaking point...and those are the times I end up with a successful trip to the cabeleireira.
Turns out I'm not fearless or laid back or über confident or really all that great at communicating the gospel...its a pain to learn, but I don't have to be. God will handle it. He is much more self-aware than I am, and when He says He's the all powerful, all knowing caretaker. He's right.
Laid back; Confident; Embracer of the moment, however awkward it may be...these were definitely my opinions not too long ago.
As it turns out, compared to Brazilians, I'm a bit uptight.
I find that when there is noone to turn to and say "I mean does that make sense to you?!" I'm prone to be what can only be described as a follower. I've tried hard not to be a follower for as long as I can remember.
I shrink from more opportunities than I embrace these days. The thing is, there are so many things I HAVE to do ie: go to work and all that entails, grocery shop, pay bills, find the yarn store by bus...that when it comes to an option like eating dinner with a stranger at the food court or getting my hair cut, I put it off until tomorrow.
I've needed a haircut for about two months. It's in that mangy growing out phase and...ugh. There is a cabeleireira (hair salon) down the street from me. I've mentally prepared and chickened out...for two months. Seriously?
So a few days ago while reading Psalm 78 a graceful summary of the Israelies screw up...God forgives cycle, I was struck by verses like
"I will remember the deeds of the Lord, yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago" and
"time after time...He remembered that they were but flesh, a passing breeze that does not return"
Over and over I was reminded how often "He guided" ... "He led" ... "He gave". The same Almighty God who used the Red Sea as a short cut is the same Almighty God who sent me here. I mean he made dinner fall from the heavens, He can certainly get me through one more errand in portuguese.
So today I got my hair cut. Ayliana was super patient with my pantomiming and attempted explanation that I'm trying to grow my hair out and yadda yadda yadda. Now, I realize that for almost everyone else on the planet a hair cut is just that. A hair cut. Why the stress? Well, back to the "Sara I'm discovering"...
I'm much more affected by people's response to and treatment of me than I was in my previous life. I take many things more personally than I know I should. Simply because I'm trying so hard. Trying to speak their language, trying to understand what they mean, trying to be their friend, trying to find their needs and minister to them-and you just can't do all that. Which is exactly what I'm struggling with I can't do all that. Well thats the pretty part of hard times, its when I see (again, for the 100th time) that God can do all that and much, much more.
So while I'm watching Ayliana do exactly what I meant (but surely did not explain correctly) I had a come to Jesus meeting with, well, Jesus...
This is hard. It takes a lot of effort to do a really small thing and I'm not doing it very well. But that's OK-I know and have seen His power. I know that He can open the hearts of the Brazilians to make Himself known. I know that He can turn my stress into something of use for the Kingdom. And He knows that I'm only flesh and therefore, not all that dependable. He knows flailing is what I do best. And He knows my breaking point...and those are the times I end up with a successful trip to the cabeleireira.
Turns out I'm not fearless or laid back or über confident or really all that great at communicating the gospel...its a pain to learn, but I don't have to be. God will handle it. He is much more self-aware than I am, and when He says He's the all powerful, all knowing caretaker. He's right.
11 March 2010
i like the bible
Do you ever come across just the right passage at exactly the right time?
Psalm 42:7
The Lord is so in tune to my needs-He is continually directing his love to me.
Love it.
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